With little ones around, plus a full time job, this momma really likes routines. Especially in the morning. Where everyone wakes up, dutifully gets dressed, eats organic goodness for breakfast, brushes teeth, combs hair, and washes face without incident, and then we all march out the door singing something from Mary Poppins. Every day.
But here’s what actually happens. Because, for this working momma, the morning struggle is real.
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6:15am.
2-year-old wakes up to pee. Praise baby Jesus, he goes back to bed. Until…
6:30.
4-year-old wakes up. Daddy feeds boys: oatmeal, bananas, cheese, and chocolate milk (what?!)
7:00.
Mommy wakes up and showers.
7:30.
Daddy dresses boys and succeeds in brushing little brother’s teeth. Mommy dresses herself.
8:00.
Daddy announces, “I’m outta here. Looks like I’ll get to work on time. For once.” Translation: baby daddy will get to lounge at Starbucks for 20 minutes instead of just getting coffee to go.
8:05.
Mommy puts bread in toaster oven and pours herself a tall glass of (non-chocolate) milk. Big brother attempts to push little brother off chair in order to eat little brother’s leftover oatmeal.
8:10.
Boys notice Mommy getting peanut butter out of frig to spread on toast. Boys now want PEANUT BUTTER ON A SPOON!
Big brother, gagging over the thought of eating Mommy’s peanut butter, opens pantry and climbs up shelves to find unopened jar of peanut butter. A fight ensues with Mommy. Mommy puts unopened peanut butter jar on top of frig. Big brother stacks chairs upon chairs to reach top of frig.
Meanwhile little brother sticks entire head into opened peanut butter jar.
8:15.
Mommy tosses little brother into kitchen sink to clean peanut butter off. So he won’t kill peanut allergy kids at daycare with the flakes in his hair. Little brother notices Mommy’s yet-to-be-drunk glass of milk sitting nearby on counter. Little brother grabs glass and dumps into sink. Volcano-milk explosion occurs. All over Mommy’s dry-clean-only skirt.
Mommy tosses little brother onto floor to clean up mess.
8:20.
Big brother successfully reaches unopened peanut butter jar on top of frig. Notices milk drama and helpfully offers, “Here, Mommy, I got the jar down for you to put in the pantry.” Still wants PEANUT BUTTER ON A SPOON! Helps himself to open jar. Little brother decides he’d like seconds and proceeds to cover shirt with peanut butter dust.
8:25.
Mommy removes little brother’s shirt. Mommy changes her milk-soaked skirt. Little brother rejoices in NEKKID!
8:30.
Boys pee (in potties). Mommy forgets to eat breakfast.
8:35.
Mommy brushes her teeth. Mommy forces big brother into bathroom to brush his teeth. Big brother wails and little brother supports his wailing efforts.
8:40.
Mommy remembers little brother needs a new shirt. He rolls on floor to protest this affront against NEKKID! And cries all the big cries. Mommy wishes she had one of those fancy, kid-friendly, morning chore chart thingys to entice little brother to put on his own damn clothes.
8:45.
House cleaning lady arrives. Mommy rejoices. Boys forget they are mad at Mommy. Mommy forgets she is mad at boys.
8:50.
Mommy herds boys into car. Little brother wails while big brother honks horn. Repeatedly. Loudly.
8:55.
Mommy pulls out of driveway just as the trash truck arrives. Boys sing about Bob the Garbage Man. Mommy remembers life is short.
9:00.
Mommy drops off boys at daycare with GIANT HUGS and KISSES.
9:20.
Mommy arrives at work. Late. Again. Recounts morning woes to coworker who later sends the BEST email:
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Photo credit: Providence Doucet from Unsplash.com
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
I’m excited to share that Triad Moms on Main has featured this story on their blog.