As a first time mom, I experienced a high level of anxiety. Then I wandered into a dark world. Suddenly, I found myself in a place of rage. Too strong a word? Perhaps. How quickly lack of sleep took its toll.

I’m thinking a couple of you out there can relate.

It took me 8 months to begin to get a grip on the crazy I’d become after baby #1 arrived. I’m not talking postpartum depression. I’m just talking NORMAL, sleep deprived ick that goes way beyond Mommy Brain, the other gift that sleep deprivation brings new moms.

I’d turned into Mommy Dearest.

The thing with Mommy Dearest is that she’s starving for REM sleep. When she’s in town, there are no shiny, happy people.

The world of sleep deprivation

How about a science lesson?

Lack of sleep puts your brain in a state of flight or fight. You constantly scan the horizon for the next threat so you can flee from it or fight it. Mommy Dearest is really good at the fight it part.

You are here to protect baby, and that’s pretty much all you can do when you’re running on, like, 4 hours of sleep. You can’t care for yourself. And you can’t see the beauty around you (beyond the sweet babe on your lap).

In fact, I’m willing to bet your partner has been throwing 50 million amazing gifts your way. But you can’t see them. Your tunnel-vision purpose right now is all about baby. And heading into battle to attack, well, most anything (good or bad) that stands in your way. This may even involve screaming, for no reason, at the kind-hearted #RockStarDad who just made you breakfast in bed for the third time this week.

Mommy Dearest isn’t exactly top of the charts for love songs.

You need a little REM:

Everyone around, love them, love them
Put it in your hands, take it, take it
There’s no time to cry, happy, happy
Put it in your heart where tomorrow shines

And without that REM sleep, you need these sleep substitutes to make you smile and help you find that shiny, happy gal once again.

In the meantime, let me explain what lovely things your sleep-deprived brain is doing. Keep in mind, THIS IS NOT YOU. You, operating under optimal 7-8 hours of sleep, are better than this. You can find YOU again.

Good sleep requires two things: deep sleep (also known as SWS or slow wave sleep) and Rapid Eye Movement (REM).

When you’ve got your sleep groove on: it’s 20-minutes of REM, then 3+ hours of deep sleep, a little more REM, another cycle of deep sleep, then a TON of REM. Til it’s time to wake up.

Why you need REM sleep

(If you’re feeling a little foggy, too, check out this post on Mommy Brain and the importance of deep sleep.)

You know when you wake up to pee in the middle of the night? (Prego ladies, can I get an amen?) You can thank REM for that – it’s a dream state you wake easily from.

REM is pretty amazing. It makes us creative, problem solvers and helps us CONTROL EMOTIONS.

(Um, ain’t no emotion control where Mommy Dearest reigns. Woke up on the wrong side of the bed like Oscar the Grouch? Batten down the hatches, Mommy Dearest has arrived!)

The major REM sleep starts around 4am-ish. It’s when you dream big. Dreaming is how your brain takes everything you experienced that day and connects it to all the other things you’ve ever done in life. This makes you a kickass member of the creative class: your brain spent the wee hours of the morning making these nice connections so you can see all the POSSIBILITIES! The answer is right at your fingertips. You can solve Euclidean geometry (no, I don’t know what that is. I’m in Marketing.)

But lack of REM…not so much. And when baby wakes up to eat at 4am and then again at 5:30am and then again at 6:45am? Well, let’s just say REM canceled their latest concert after you bought a ticket for 100 bucks. Major suck-fest.

So the part of your brain that lives to control emotions and problem-solve shuts down. (The pre-frontal cortex, if you want to Geek out a bit.) When you get less sleep, something’s got to give. And this is it. Suddenly, it’s all about survival, baby. Your brain is now whacked.

GUT REACTION rules the day. As in flight or, more likely, fight. Your brain is primed with adrenaline and stress hormones. You are on HIGH ALERT so you can fight: The dog wants breakfast. Yesterday’s dishes are still in the sink. The laundry pile keeps getting bigger. There’s 3 days worth of junk mail on the counter. Baby daddy comes home from work 5 minutes late (again). It’s all game.

Sure, adrenaline is great if you’re staring down a bear on a hike. Not so good when trying to make a house a home. Mommy Dearest tends to put a little damper on love.

But, ladies, it’s your brain STARVING from sleep deprivation. We should start a campaign: KILL SLEEP DEPRIVATION, NOT YOUR SPOUSE.

So go on now. Give your loved ones a HUG. Even though you probably don’t want to.

Share your Mommy Dearest stories below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit: Sasint from Pixabay.com