Ok, all you 40-year-old ladies, raise your right arms in solidarity. Welcome to your next right of passage: the annual breast-squishing. Better known as the mammogram.

I was supposed to start getting mammograms when I turned 35, but I kept “forgetting” to schedule the appointment. Perhaps not the right approach to take, given that my grandmother, my mother and my aunt are all breast cancer survivors. But I was terrified of putting the girls in that vice grip.

Now that I’m adulting a bit more and have hopped on the mammogram-train, I’ve discovered the worst part about getting one isn’t actually the boob smashing.

The worst part…

Isn’t the lingering (HORRIFYING) worry that you might get THAT call. Because, maybe, they found a lump.

And it’s not the hanging-out-half-naked with some random lab tech you don’t know. In a freezing room. While she talks your ear off. Because she feels AWK-WARD.

And it isn’t the “no deodorant” rule. Even though, let’s be honest, you’re gonna forget to put it on afterwards and spend the rest of the day avoiding your coworkers. Because, um, “no deodorant.”

And the worst part isn’t how you have to hug the machine “a little more, honey.” Where you end up mashing your face against the x-ray-gadget-sneeze-guard-thing so the tech lady can “get a better picture.” As you think about how many other germ-filled faces have tread this same real estate.

(Then you start begging the tech lady for a moist toilette full of anti-everything sanitizer to clorox your face with. You know those wipes they reserve for when you have to prepare things “down there” before you pee in a cup? When you pray to Jesus that your IUD still works because you are seriously done with babies? Yep, give me one of those. They seem pretty hard core.)

Nope, the worst part about getting a mammogram isn’t any of those things.

The worst part is when the tech lady tells you to “hold your breath.”

Um, what? Deep, intentional yoga breathing is seriously the only thing getting me through this ordeal.

I am deep-breathing through the squishing. I am deep-breathing through my germ-a-phobe panic. I am deep-breathing at the ridiculous sight of a fully-clothed woman chatting incessantly about nothing while I am nakedly at her mercy. I am deep-breathing and hoping like mad the iron maiden doesn’t breakdown with my girls in its clutches.

Yoga breathing is my lifeline. And this chick wants me to HOLD MY BREATH?!

Which leads to another level of panic. How long do I have to hold my breath? What if I sneak a tiny breath and the pictures get messed up and she makes me do it all over? What if I don’t sneak a tiny breath and pass out and I’m left dangling in space with my brave little boobs stuck in the machine?

This is making me hyperventilate. So the tech lady starts chanting namaste, bless her heart…

Y’all, as soon as this is over, I’m taking my girls and my yoga-breathing-self to Chick-fil-A. For a milkshake and an “it’s my pleasure.” Because we 40-year-olds deserve a little something for braving this, right?

Three weeks later…

I wrote that three weeks ago. And I was cracking myself up.

Then I got THAT call.

I’m headed back to the breast center this morning. Because they “want to double check something.” Something is a vague and large word filling my mind today.

Especially given my family history of breast cancer.

So, dear one, let me level with you. The worst part about getting a mammogram truly is the lingering, horrifying thoughts in the days that follow: Will they call? What will they say? What will happen next?

Embrace your yoga breathing. Go about your day and don’t give it any more thought. Because the call will come – or it won’t. Don’t give up precious life in the meantime pondering the possibilities.

Blessings to the mommas out there facing these same fears.

Editor’s note:
Everything went great at the breast center. Luckily, they shared my results right then and there. No follow up call to dread. No sign of cancer. Just a reminder to come back next year to make sure the girls are still holding up. Now off to indulge in another milkshake – or maybe a yoga class.

Share your mammogram stories below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit: Tochi Onwubiko from Unsplash.com

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS AND COMMENTS
Loving these tips mommas shared on Facebook.

I can not, for the love of God, understand why they can’t come up with a better way. Like ultrasound. I had a lump in college, the size of an olive. I am VERY small chested. They couldn’t even find it on mammogram. I had to have TWO because there was not enough boob to squish up. They told me after the first one that there was no lump. Even though it was obvious and the size of a black olive and hard. So they did another. And saw nothing. Again. Finally they scheduled an ultrasound and ding ding! There it was. I had it removed and went on with my life. It wasn’t cancerous, thank goodness. But had it been, then the months between scheduling and Dr visits to feel and re-mammogram and Dr visit to schedule ultrasound would have been time wasted. 😞 I’m not downplaying their importance by any means. I just wish there was a better way.

It was terrifying and maddening. And embarrassing when they tell you, “I think you’re just too small chested for this.” Lol

After I had my baby, they had me wait 6 months before they had me do one and I wasn’t breastfeeding. So, if u are nursing, I doubt they let u do one. Doesn’t hurt to ask.

Oh dear. I’m 39 this year. And I’d totally forgotten that means I’ll need one in a year. Yikes.

Just got my first a few weeks ago at 44. Had a bit of a scare because they called me back for diagnostic and ultrasound of one breast, but it’s fine. Just have dense, fibrous breasts. I waited because I was still nursing at 40, but so glad I got that first one done.

When I had my first one at 40, I was still producing milk even though I had stopped nursing. Warned the lady that squeezing them would make a mess. It did.

I got my first last year and just had my second last month… Dense breast tissue here so that means sore boobies for about a week. Didn’t help I went during ovulation when they were already tender either!!! It wasn’t my smartest move…

Also, caffeine makes them even more tender… They told me that limiting or avoiding caffeine for a few days before the appointment could help with the tenderness.

Going this Friday! I go every year since I was 38.

I’m newly 40 and getting one this year. Will be my second after having one several years ago when my mom had breast cancer.

This is so true! Breathe, breathe, stop breathing! What! Stop breathing is not something you ever want to hear!

Just went this year for the first time too! Not fun, but wasn’t awful!

This is a good example of what it’s really like and it hurts like heck!