Parenting small children is basically an episode of Naked Survivor. You win if you manage to coerce the small children into wearing clothes. Without killing them (or yourself) in the process – that’s the survivor part.
I’m in the thick of it right now, with two little ones under the age of 5. These days, it is ALL survivor – and major-mom ninja moves. Because the trick you used yesterday to get ’em dressed, ain’t gonna work today.
Morning tips
In case you’re like me, and mornings aren’t your strong suit, here are TEN WAYS to dress your kid in the morning. And, fingers crossed, these tricks will work til your kiddo leaves for college. (Bless you, momma, if your cutie resists ALL of these.)
1. Give ’em a choice
You pick two shirts and let cutie choose his favorite. Sometimes the response is “none of the above.” Which translates to “Mom gets to pick.” This may be met with compliance or annoyance. If annoyance, double down and repeat: Here are two shirts. Which one do you want?
2. Tell the tiny tyrant to dress herself
Does this ever work? When I do my best cheerleading chant about how my guy can pick out his clothes, he looks at me bored and picks out a book to read instead.
3. Stop hoarding clothes
Buy darling seven shirts and THAT’S IT. If your mother-in-law gifts some monogrammed thingy to your kid, take one of the other seven shirts to Goodwill. The less shirts the better. Because tips #1 and #2 are easier if there’s only seven shirts to pick from.
Otherwise, you run into this…
~ Scenario A. Child rummages through 20 shirts. Child gets overwhelmed and throws shirts on ground. Child runs screaming out of room.
~ Scenario B. You rummage through 20 shirts. You show child each shirt until child picks out one. Only, it goes more like this:
Me: Do you want to wear this shirt?
Child: No, that’s not a school shirt.
Me: What about this one?
Child: No, that’s a Science Center shirt.
Me: What…? How about this one?
Child: My bear doesn’t like it.
Me: Does you bear like this one?
Child: No, he likes your shirt. So I’m gonna wear it. Take it off, mommy.
When all else fails, send them out the door in their pajamas!
4. Delay like hell
When #2 leads to I’m gonna read this book, buh-bye, smile and say, “When you’re done, it’s time to put on your shirt.” Your kid’s sudden desire to read Shakespeare is validated and you get to stalk him a few minutes later with a clean, pressed shirt.
5. Embrace empathy
Running late? Tell kiddo you know it’s SO FUN TO READ! And that you guys can read the book when you get home later. In fact, she can leave the book on the kitchen table to remind you when you IMMEDIATELY walk in the door. Then summon the spirits in Heaven and announce IT’S TIME TO GET DRESSED.
When you get home later, first things first: READ THE BOOK. You get sweet cuddle time with little lady. She learns you keep promises.
6. Hire a clown
To distract dear one while you dress her. When the clown’s gone, she’ll discover she’s wearing a sundress, sandles, undies, and bow.
7. Stop the matchy-matchy
I get it, you want the pink shirt with the to-die-for pink shorts. So you’ve safety-pinned all the clothes combos together for ease. (Ease for whom? Kiddo can’t manipulate those spikey devils. Which means you’ve given yourself another morning chore – bravo!)
Pumpkin will look just as darling wearing a 1970’s mustard-yellow shirt with those shorts. Plus, if pumpkin goes to school with my boys, you want her to wear the hideous top. Because she’s going to come home covered in red clay or puke-green fingerpaint (because she HAD to have ALL the colors).
This goes for socks, too. Matching socks are overrated.
Enforcing matchy-matchy only leads to one place: POWER STRUGGLE CENTRAL. Nobody wants to go there. Especially if you have to leave the house in, oh, 20 minutes.
8. Lay it out the night before
Ok, fine, you refuse to follow #7. To achieve matchy-matchy perfection, here’s my tip.
Set out tomorrow’s clothes tonight – where darling can see them. He has time to get used to the fact that, yes, he will be wearing the black shirt with the turtle, jean shorts and Batman underpants. Or just put him to bed in this get up. Pray he doesn’t wet the bed (or his pants) and then he’s ALREADY DRESSED for the morning!
9. Count to FIVE
Warn cuteness that it’s almost time to get dressed. Then tell her you’re going to count to FIVE. When you get to FIVE, it’s all hands on deck! CLOTHES TIME! Bonus: you get to teach math skills.
A kitchen timer works, too. Bonus: you get to do mom stuff (instead of breathing down kiddo’s neck while counting.)
10. Man-handle the child
When all else fails, corner her in the family room or sit on her. She will cry. She will hate you. She will be dressed. And you can celebrate with a big ole hug!
Share your own dressing survival tips below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
Photo credit: Vanessa Serpas from Unsplash.com
ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS
I’m excited to share that Triad Moms on Main has featured this story on their blog.
And I’m loving these fabulous tips mommas shared on Facebook:
I let my kids have a choice on their clothes. There’s a time limit (I go potty, pour a cup of coffee, etc). My 6yo is expected to totally dress himself or ask for help if he needs it. My 3yo is expected to pick her clothes and get undressed and panties changed on her own, totally dressed is a bonus. My 2yo gets changed on the changing table, sometimes I let him pick his shirt. If they don’t make the time limit I get to choose clothes and they have a consequence coming.
–Angela, mom of 3 youngins under the age of 7
Bribes…it’s all about bribes in our house. 👌🏽 Anywhere from “you wanna go outside?” to “you want some fruit snacks/quinoa/fav food of the day” to “you wanna go clean up that spill/sweep the floor?” He loves cleaning…
But the bribing really works! Find what work for your kid and it doesn’t have to be junk or anything really all that bad. Could be just the “but don’t you wanna go to the park later?” type stuff.
–Daniella, mom of a cleaning ninja, aka “he purposely spills liquids on the floor so he can clean it up”
I have tried everything but the clown. With three kiddos, each one has a preferred way of delaying the dressing process, and I have a preferred way of dealing with it.
Child 1 (age 5), a.k.a. Ms. Strong-willed, Fashionista – MUST pick her own clothes and is actually very good at coming up with outfits. However she has been known to scream, while staring at at least 20 different outfits, that she has nothing to wear. I pick…
Child 2 (age 5) – Almost all of his clothes are easy mix and match. Most days he is the first dressed and waiting in front of the TV watching “Wild Kratts.” However, recently he was given a pair of maroon sweatpants and wanted to wear them…
Child 3 (age 4) – Has no fashion sense. Her outfits are in baggies (when I do laundry I put them together.) I give her two or three outfits to choose from in the morning. She fusses, I walk away, she is usually dressed shortly thereafter.
I started the baggies when I was packing for her to go on a trip, but it really was practical as so many of her clothes came as outfits that only have certain matches. It really has been quite easy to use. I just collect the empty bags from her room when I do laundry.
–Joy, mom of 3 and foster mom of many more