This is what I hear at the crack of dawn this morning: MOMMY, WHEN IS MY DATE WITH ZACK?! Tomorrow, dude, it’s tomorrow. In the meantime, please go back to sleep.

But he’s too excited for that. Because tomorrow, he’ll get an hour and a half of pure Zack.

Who is Zack? He’s pretty much awesome: preacher’s kid, Eagle Scout, college grad. And he adores my boys. I’m not sure his girlfriend realized she was getting a package deal: great guy, plus two. Because whenever we see them, my little guys fan-boy all over him.

To quench their thirst, I have a rotational play date schedule set up: week 1 is Zack + the 6-year-old, week 2 is Zack + the 4-year-old, etc. They each get an hour and half of personalized, uninterrupted time just with Zack. To go to the park or kick the soccer ball or wrestle like spider monkeys.

Female sitters reinforce gender stereotypes

We discovered Zack after he returned home from a 6-month, ex-pat assignment as a nanny in Spain. (Did I mention Jack is awesome?) Then I did something unheard of: I hired a MALE sitter. Otherwise known as a dad surrogate or a MITTER (you know, like a MURSE on Scrubs back in the day?)

I could be wrong, but I’m betting most of you mommas only hire GIRLS to sit your kids.

Because of shit like this, from The Washington Post:

When it comes to kids, we are pretty close to being a society that has demonized men. And this isn’t a totally unreasonable reaction. In one government study of sexual assaults on children, the Bureau of Justice Statistics found that 96 percent of the offenders they studied were male.

So, if you’re going to strap your child into that car seat even when you’re driving just a few blocks, why wouldn’t you look at that 96 percent statistic, remember what you saw on the evening news and say ‘no thank you’ to a male babysitter? All it takes is one undetected pedophile to destroy a child’s life, right?

Well, I know Zack, so I’m not worried about such things. In fact, that Washington Post article goes on to say this:

Here is the real problem when we err on the side of statistics. By telling the millions of men that they cannot be trusted with children, we are reinforcing gender stereotypes at school, at home and at work.

If men can’t take care of kids, women have to do it.

The benefits of male sitters

Friends do look at me strange when I mention a guy is babysitting my boys. Then a funny thing happens. Their skepticism quickly turns into: “Can you give me his phone number?”

Because the benefits of hiring a male sitter are beautifully summed up in this Huffington Post article:

It’s wonderful to bring your kids new perspectives. Hiring only female sitters implicitly tells children that it’s women who are nurturing. Hiring a male sitter helps to show your kids that it’s not just women who take care of children.

Kids need to see men as loving, capable and responsible care givers as often as possible.

Preach! I need my boys to grow up into caring, empathetic men, who want to co-parent or coach little league or mentor young people. And they need men around who showcase those qualities.

Sure, #RockStarDad is in their lives, with his many talents, including grocery shopping, cooking, and guitar-strumming.

But there’s no harm in exposing my boys to lots of dad surrogates. So they can see the many faces of maleness, as they grow and define what that term means to each of them personally.

Hiring a dad surrogate

I grew up with plenty of “dads.” Besides my own father, my paternal grandfather lived around the corner from us. I spent every Sunday with him and he taught me about squirrels and how to sit quietly on the back porch and reflect. Since my maternal grandfather lived 4 hours away, we spent the summers with him at his lake house. He taught me to love geology and fossils. Then there were the countless male choral directors and teachers I looked up to.

My husband grew up close to his dad, who passed away 4 years ago. Plus, his big brother and brother-in-law were significant role models for him. He also had lots of uncles to emulate along the way.

Back to present day. My boys basically have their dad. Because their beloved Poppa and their favorite uncles live 6 hours away. There are lots of great guys at church (where we, coincidentally, met Zack, aka, the preacher’s kid). But life is crazy busy, so most of them might as well live 6 hours away, since the boys only interact with them for about 15 minutes on a Sunday morning.

Let’s do some math. When I was little, I had AT LEAST THREE dads in my life. Same with my husband. My boys really only have one active, male role model. (Their teachers are women, their soccer coach is a woman, blah, blah, blah.)

This is where Zack comes into the picture. Given the lack of dad surrogates, I’ve recruited him to hang with my boys. Or, as my hubby calls it, I’ve “rented a friend” for them.

Occasionally this is an actual babysitting gig, where Zack watches both of them. But these children are VERY different. One is an extrovert, the other wants to play quietly. One likes to wrestle, the other would prefer to shake hands.

In other words, when Zack is around them simultaneously, one is climbing on his head, while the other is trying to tell him a sweet story about a dog.

Thus the play date schedule I mentioned earlier, where they each get undivided attention from Zack.

Tomorrow is little brother’s turn. I hope he’ll actually sleep tonight. And I imagine he’ll be up at the crack of dawn again, counting down til Zack arrives. This couldn’t make me happier.

So tell me, are you willing to give a male babysitter a try? Share your thoughts below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

Photo credit: Pexels from Pixabay

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS

I’m excited to share that Triad Moms on Main featured this post on their blog.