At 7pm, life in our house gets a little cray cray. I turn into an automaton with one goal: get the boys in bed by 8. And, yes, it takes an entire hour to make this happen.
Especially if #RockStarDad has been wrestling with them. They get wound up and can’t remember how to climb off the ceiling. To calmly make it to bed.
The bedtime transition
A couple things can smooth out this transition from full day to quiet night.
Reading loudly
So LOUDLY that my words can be heard over pirate screams and karate kicks. Then they are suddenly, “SQUIRREL!,” and wander over to the couch to sit and listen to me read.
Being a ninja
Because using ninja moves to herd them into bedrooms is FUN! Who wouldn’t want to play that game?
Shower power
Throwing kiddos into the shower, clothes and all, also helps them figure out it’s time to get with the program. Plus, you can trap them in the bathroom afterwards to brush teeth and hair. Mommy win!
Eventually teeth are brushed, pajamas are worn, books are read, prayers are said, songs are sung, kisses are shared. And lights are off at 8. For the record, my boys are ages 7 and 5.
What’s your kiddo’s bedtime? Does 8pm sound RIDICULOUS?
It’s the only time that works for us. My littles need 10 hours of sleep. Otherwise, WE ARE SCREWED. The day after looks like tantrums and sass and tears. Believe me, I’ve conducted the “let’s stay up late to do this one super fun thing” experiment one too many times. It ain’t pretty. I’ve learned my lesson.
Missing out on life
Here are 10 super fun things my kids don’t get to do. Because: crazy-early bedtime. Eventually they will have a post-7pm life. Maybe when they turn ten? Til then, they’re just gonna miss out a bit.
1. Fireworks
Yes, I’m that lame-ass mom who puts her kids to bed before dusk. And dusk really is imperative. Waiting any later guarantees that fireworks will be out in full force and small children will want to see them.
To compensate for this, we play with burn-inducing, illegal sparklers at 5pm. It’s not quite the same as large flames up in the sky. But, y’all, FIRE IN YOUR HANDS.
2. S’mores
Here’s another thing that’s way more awesome after dark. Who doesn’t love marshmallows glowing over coals, suddenly bursting into tiny infernos at the end of a little stick you’re holding? Perhaps small children who have already been terrorized by sparklers? I wouldn’t know, since my kids have never sat around a campfire and indulged in this pastime.
I believe s’mores are delightful. So I occasionally pull out the trusty, 20-year-old fondue pot and we roast a few s’mores around the kitchen table in the middle of the day. This entertains everyone for about 5 minutes.
3. Family jam sessions
Our family is full of guitar-playing maniacs. When the cousins get together, you can easily find 7 acoustic guitars, 6 six-strings, 5 electrics, 4 children’s guitars, 3 mandolins, 2 very, trashed ukuleles, and a partridge in a pear tree. This typically happens at Christmas, and everyone’s expected to sing along til 11pm. Meanwhile I’m the goody-two-shoes, buzz-killin’ momma chasing her boys off to bed. One day they will enjoy the festivities. Just not tonight.
But what about Sunday afternoon? Can’t we do this after lunch? Pretty please?
4. Move night
First of all, the word “night” should clue you in on why my small children have to wait another couple years to partake in the traditional family event of pizza and a movie.
Now, I could start the movie at 4pm. Except I’m a working mom, so… On the other hand, my oldest is fine that we’re skipping this, because he’s currently terrified of Disney movies. Hopefully, by age 10, he’ll grow out of this phase and be old enough to stay up til midnight, binge-watching Star Wars with me. Fingers crossed!
5. Campfires
See #2 above. Campfires just aren’t the same unless it’s pitch black out and you can’t see the errant spark that has landed on your fleece and is now threatening you with bodily harm.
Sure, I can simulate the experience during the day by carting the boys over to the neighbor’s house for good ole fashioned leaves-burning-in-trashcan fun. But that doesn’t conjure up those Kumbaya feelings I remember from my own childhood while hangin’ with my homies around a fire pit.
6. Lightning bugs
I am crying over reports that fireflies are dying out. This is devastating news. These lovely creatures entertained me for hours when I was little. By the time my boys are old enough to stay up late enough to see them, will they be extinct? Sigh. Let’s hope not.
Recently I discovered you can catch them right at dusk. Hooray! Then it’s off to bed with ya and your lantern full of twinkly fliers!
7. Coke
I quit coke 15 years ago. I experienced all the withdrawal symptoms: mood swings, caffeine headaches, cravings for sugar. Now I’m strictly a root beer drinker if we go out for Mexican.
Last summer the boys’ cousins slipped them some coke. I haven’t heard the end of it. They are jonesing for another swig. But coke can quickly spiral into too-wired-to-sleep. When they turn 10, I promise we’ll celebrate with coke for lunch. And they, too, can get hooked.
8. Monster truck rallies
Around these parts, monster truck rallies start at 7pm. (Not sure the rationale for this, other than maybe it’s better to watch these mechanical beasties in action after you’ve tailgated all day and gotten good and liquored up?) Man, my kiddos would gladly lose their minds to see this. (The trucks, not the drunks.)
I’m starting a petition for a matinee event. That’ll be just as great, right?
9. Chick-fil-A family night
I look at the flier every time I pick up my boys from school. The Chick-fil-A logo stares longingly into my eyes and the words entice me: ICE CREAM! WINTER CRAFT! GERM-FILLED BALL PIT! It claims to begin at 5:30pm. Which is, luckily, dinnertime. So why not?
Because who wants to be that one mom pulling her star-struck children away from THE HARLEM GLOBE TROTTERS? I mean, there are basketballs and cows dunking hoops and high fives from VERY TALL MEN. But we have a schedule to keep, people! And if my very short men are gonna go to bed without a battle tonight, we will, once again, have to wait til Saturday at noon to get our chicken mini fix.
10. Dessert
No child in my house is eating sugary junk after 6pm. Jacked up, sugar fiends and sleep don’t mix, damn it!
Totally joking. These children get their fair share of post-dinner treats. Because dessert means PRIZES for eating broccoli.
My boys can’t wait to attack this super fun list in another few years. Their lives will be epic. And I will finally win mother-of-the-year. In the meantime, at least I won’t lose my shit tomorrow because the kiddos went to bed too late tonight. Fingers crossed, it’ll be lights out by 8!
How about you? Are you in favor of the crazy-early bedtime, too? Share your thoughts below or on Facebook at MothersRest.
Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash