How do I remember those first couple months as a new mom? “Fondly” may not be the first word that comes to mind. New baby snuggles: awe-some. Lack of sleep: awe-ful.
I do remember when we all made it to the 6-week mark. My dear friend congratulated me: It just gets better from here! She was so right. Especially when the smiley stage began.
But the first six weeks were, um, soul crushing. Because here was this brand new baby and I had absolutely no idea what to do with him. Can you relate?
This post includes affiliate links for your convenience. Check out my Disclaimer to learn more.
I mean, y’all, when you leave the hospital with little loveliness, nobody hands you an instructional manual. On the other hand, they do arm you with tons of other goodies. (My favorite part of getting a baby sister when I was 11 was the junk my mom brought home. Like the squirt bottle I washed my Barbie dolls with.)
Purple crying
Amongst all the random hospital detritus was a “Purple Crying” video. Which my mother told me several times to watch. And by several times, I mean my husband was, like, “Enough with the f-ing video!” In other words, he just wanted to watch Mad Men on repeat.
We never found time to watch the video. I was too busy trying to nurse my kid every 2-3 hours for 25-minute stretches per boob so he’d regain his birth weight before they forced (wait for it…) FORMULA on us. I got nothing against formula – and ladies, it is crucial in many cases. In fact, my dear husband survived on it. But I’m cheap and isn’t this nursing thing just supposed to work? All I can say is all praise the mighty NIPPLE SHIELD.
Eventually we figured out that my mom was trying to throw me a lifeline with her non-stop video-viewing-campaign. To save me from the dreaded witching hour when all things Purple Crying start.
As a narcissist, I’ve read my baby book a couple dozen times. (And that’s where I found all these great, grainy vintage photos.) Yet I’d never found the story about how the newborn me was allergic to life between the hours of 7 and 10 every night. Apparently, my folks spent the evenings driving me around in their old Ford Ranchero (complete with harvest gold “wood” paneling and mustard yellow “leather” seats). Hoping I’d shut up and sleep. It was the 70s. Which also means my dad drove, while my mom held me on her lap. Dude, what’s a seat belt?
Ladies, later my dad bolted me and my brother’s toddler car seats into the back of the Ranchero, in the hatchback part. With actual bolts from the hardware store.
And now, back to the future.
The thing with the baby swing
When my little babe hated life starting at 7 each night, I finally got where my mom was coming from.
We tried lots of things to convince him that sleep is magical, that sleep is where it’s at. That incessant crying is no fun for anyone.
But never the baby swing. Because children DIE in those things. (Note: baby #2 lived in the swing til he was 4 months old. At which point, I called my pregnant friend and demanded that she come get the blasted thing NOW. That I didn’t need its siren call tempting me as a sleep crutch anymore. Because baby had started doing this whole acrobatic move where he slumped over to one side and tried to slide out onto the floor. Okay, so maybe children really do die in those things. If this happened to you: Sorry, I’m a jerk, stop reading my blog.)
Sleep tips for newborns
If you’re in this “purple crying” boat, we recommend the following things. And remember, every kid is different. Let the experimentation begin!
1. Baby swing
(Under proper supervision, of course). Or mamaRoo. Or the old Ranchero. Or whatever they sell now that moves.
2. Swaddling
With baby #2, we had to swaddle him and then swaddle him swaddled. If that makes sense. (The force is strong with this one.) These are my go-to swaddling tools: aden + adais blanket – it’s extra stretchy for a tight fit. And the miracle blanket, otherwise known as the baby straight jacket.
3. Bedtime routine
Your kid is never too young for a bedtime routine, regardless of what those useless baby instruction manuals claim. The bedtime routine is your friend. In fact, it’s so monumental to baby success that (someday) I’ll revisit this in another post. In the meantime, think: every night baby gets a bottle, bath, book, then bed.
4. Cuddle cure
LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE the 5 S’s from this I-can’t-recommend-it-enough-it-totally-saved-my-life parenting book, The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp.
In case you hate reading, here are the cliff notes for the 5 S’s from the book:
Swinging.
See #1 above. Also, you can rock baby in your good old fashioned arms.
Swaddling.
See #2 above.
Shushing.
You know, like all mommas do: “Shhhhhh….!” Because it apparently sounds like the womb. (Um, y’all, I cannot vouch for that.) A white noise machine also works.
Sucking.
This entails letting the baby suck on something like a pacifier or your CLEAN little finger. Or your boob (see #7 below).
Stomach sleeping.
Ok, before you freak the EF out, let me explain. In the 1970s stomach sleeping was life. Now it’s all, “back is best!” Basically Mr. Karp is suggesting that baby needs to feel something against his stomach to feel secure. So you could rest your hand on baby’s tummy for a few minutes til he settles down. Again, this is about experimenting, right?
5. Yoga ball
For bouncing baby up and down to rock him to sleep. It’s the modern take on the rocking chair, just slightly more violent, minus the whole shaken baby syndrome. Also, this is a great way to get a workout and lose the baby weight. The yoga ball will also entertain your 4-year-old when you’re trying to nurse your newborn.
6. Sleep cues
Study your baby. Before long, you’ll notice his put-me-to-bed-NOW-cues. Not sure what I’m talking about? Let me explain.
Our night usually went like this:
6pm – baby yawns
6:15pm – baby yawns
6:30pm – baby yawns
6:45pm – baby screams bloody murder, we frantically start putting baby to bed
7pm – mommy nurses baby
7:15pm – mommy puts baby to bed
7:30pm until ad infinitum – mommy and daddy take turns bouncing, slinging, jostling, coaxing, lullabying, nursing, rediapering baby to no avail
Once the data queen in me took over (have I mentioned I’m an ESTJ?), we noticed the 3-yawn pattern.
And we took charge. When YAWN #1 happened, we moved into HIGH ALERT and rushed to get baby into bed. It was like a countdown: 3-2-1….You get 3 yawns. 3 strikes and you’re out! All hell breaks loose.
You know what? If we got the little guy in bed, well, nursing by 6:30pm, originally the timing of YAWN #3, he would go right to sleep. It was amazing. We fully support the absurdly early bedtime.
I know what you’re thinking: he woke up at the crack of dawn, right? Well, you’re right! BUT he always got up around 5:45am. Regardless of when he went to bed. To this day, he’s still my early riser. Early to bed means he gets all the sleep he needs, and never gets overtired, grouchy or sleep deprived.
Baby was ready for bed at 6:30pm, no exceptions. And when he started daycare, he actually went to bed at 5:30 for a month or two. If we tried to push him later, things always went south. Fast.
7. Milk coma
No babe of mine could resist the milk coma. A little pre-bed breastfeeding was just the thing to make my littles conk right out. I’m betting a lovely bottle of warmed milk/formula works the same way – at least it’s worth a try if you aren’t into nursing! Because I’m pretty sure this also counts as “Sucking” (see #4 above).
Just don’t forget to hold baby upright for about 15 minutes to get all the burps out before tucking her into bed.
8. Rock-n-roll music
Totally kidding. Believe me, rock-n-roll music DOES NOT WORK. It is guaranteed NOT to lure baby to sleep. (Thank you, #RockStarDad, for figuring this out and for investing in a SILENCER for the electric guitar.)
The overtired baby
When your kid’s overtired and overstimulated from, say, LOUD GUITAR MUSIC, there’s no way he can calm down to sleep. His little brain is overloaded. With all the stuff he encounters in life: you talking to him, big brother throwing things at him, the dog licking his face, blah, blah, blah. It’s like once he reaches the point where he needs sleep, his little brain shuts down. He needs sleep to process all the amazing things he experienced that day. He needs sleep to learn.
His little brain can only handle so much stuff at once. (THE WORLD IS NEW AND FABULOUS AND FILLED WITH SQUIRRELS, BOOBS, TRUCKS!) He can’t fit anything else inside. So he tries pushing things out by screaming or acting like a wild, PURPLE CRYING banshee (bless his heart.) He is quite literally trying to avoid any more stimulation.
So, cut your babe some slack. And, dear God, put him to bed before YAWN #3. Then pour yourself some wine and watch Mad Men.
Comment below or share your own early-to-bed tips on Facebook at MothersRest.
Photo credit, featured image: Ana Tablas from Unsplash.com