The terrible twos aren’t actually a thing.

I know a few of you in the midst of it now want to fight me. Seriously, y’all, 2-year-olds are the bomb. It’s the horrible THREEnager you need to fear.

This post includes affiliate links for your convenience. Check out my Disclaimer to learn more.
 

I don’t know why 2yos get a bad rap. I started monitoring both of mine for signs of Hell when their second birthdays arrived. Nothing much happened. Sure the tantrums were no fun, but you could pretty much just walk away and ignore the drama. The kid would perk right back up. Because he missed his momma. And he’d come running over for a “please love me again” hug.

“But my 2yo is stubborn!,” you say. Well, maybe. Actually if that’s the case, you should be proud. (Easy for me to say, right? I don’t have to deal with Miss Thang and her sassy ‘tude.) Parenting experts lovingly call 2yos “oppositional.”

Here’s how one expert described this:

It is a toddler’s job to be oppositional. This is the period in your child’s development when she begins to understand that she is separate from you and can exert some control over her world. One powerful way she can do this is by defying you. You say, “Do this,” yet she says, “No!”

The drive to assert one’s self is useful as it motivates your child to want to make things happen. Being able to do some things for herself builds her confidence. The key is to find ways to show your child how she can be in control and make her own choices in positive ways.

 

The beauty of NO

My littlest guy LOVES the word NO! My name is NO! My number is NO! My moto is NO! And I get excited when he says this. Because it means HE’S COMPLETELY NORMAL 😉

If I wait him out a bit and don’t start screaming like a wild banshee because he keeps saying NO!, he comes around on his own. Then I follow the advice of Dr. Laura Markham, author of Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: I pretend like it was his idea: Oh, what a great choice you made! I love how you wanted to take a bath first!

I know you don’t want to, but try celebrating when Miss Thang says NO! Mom-tantruming and power-struggling every time your kid says NO! (or trying to break her will) can teach her that her opinions don’t count. Standing up to you is the first step to her standing up to that bully in 6th grade – or the jerk trying to feel her up in 11th.

Embrace the NO! Tattoo it on your ankle! Do a cheer when you hear it! And pat yourself on the back for helping her master this important skill.

Then prepare for the THREEnager. Who really will take you to the 7th circle of Hell.

My kid turned 3

Y’all, no one warned me about the THREEs. Hear me now, mothers of small children. The THREEs are where you start pulling on your armor and pulling out your hair. Maybe the terrible twos are terrible because you get glimpses of the 3s and you’re, like, Whoa, what just happened? Satan took over my kid!

You ain’t seen nothin’ til the day your kid turns 3.

For his third birthday, we took our oldest to one of those cupcake joints filled with sugary goodness. And we told our kid to pick out his special day cupcake. Um….TOO MANY CHOICES! (Meltdown #1.)

This was followed by the battle over where to sit. BY THE COUNTER! So you can start eating as soon as possible. Versus Daddy’s suggestion that we sit by the door so we can leave as soon as possible. (Meltdown #2.)

Followed by the attempt to keep a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! hat on your head while trying to lean over the table to eat a cupcake. (Meltdown #3.)

Luckily, for the other patrons, these meltdowns were soon followed by the SUGAR HIGH. Oh, suddenly, life is the best!

It gave us a shocking view into what life with a THREEnager is like.

Such big feelings.

They have tons more words at 3 to tell you what’s what. And it drives them batty when they can’t get you to LISTEN TO MY WORDS! Honey, I am listening, and I’m sorry, no, you can’t have a third milky way bar right before bed.

The fury coming from a raging, 3MSing little kid is pretty much a sight to behold.

As one mom put it when her kid was hording all the trains at the children’s museum, “He used to be sweet. And share. And now I can’t do anything with him.” Ah, he just turned 3.

So here’s my advice: lots of yoga breathing. (Or alcohol.)

 

Share your tips for dealing with threenagers below or on Facebook at MothersRest.

 

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS

I’m excited to share that Triad Moms on Main has featured this story on their blog: The fun of raising three-nagers.

 

And I’m loving this comment shared on Facebook:

The other night Dan came home and H was in his bed crying, so he said, “Why is he crying?” I said, “Because he doesn’t want to sleep on the bottom bunk,” and Dan said, “Then why don’t you let him sleep on the top?” My response was, “Open the door!” H was on the top bunk and cried for 30 minutes about not wanting to sleep on the bottom bunk!🤷‍♀️. Dan shut the door and said, “Well, ok then!”
–Lindsay, mother of two boys