Some people claim that marriage sucks after kids.

There might be some truth in that. Maybe just a little, teeny, tiny bit?

Because: You haven’t talked to your partner in weeks. There are chores and work and baby stuff and big kid activities and walking the dog and…Well, life leaves little room for connection.

Bring on DATE NIGHT.

And everyone knows the first rule of date night: Don’t talk about the kids!

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Don’t talk about the baby

You can talk about the trash truck schedule for the upcoming holiday week. But, under no circumstances, should you mention the (shhhhh) children.

This makes sense. The reason you’re on the date in the first place is because those pesky, lovable little creatures have disrupted quality coupling couple time. You’re out on the town with your beloved to reminisce about the good ole days.

So here’s a fun drinking game for you to play on your next date. Every time someone mentions “Bobby’s” name, you both have to take a shot of tequila. (For legal reasons, I must now state that I only condone such activity if there’s an uber driver involved in your evening festivities or you’re doing one of those staycation date nights where you sneak off to the dining room after the kids go to bed and eat PFChang’s on the wedding china.)

Let’s recap now, shall we?

YOU MUST NOT TALK ABOUT THE KIDS. PRETEND YOU DO NOT HAVE KIDS. ACT LIKE THE KIDS BELONG TO THE NEIGHBOR.

That’s the rule, right?

NOOOOOOOOO, don’t give in to this myth.

Seriously, TALK about the baby

Go with your heart and TALK ABOUT THE KIDS AS MUCH AS YOU WANT.

What the what?!

I know, I know. Your best friend only offered to babysit for free tonight (bless her) if you promised you’d stick to any topic but (oh, the horror) the children.

Well, here’s the dealio. Assuming your kids are important to you both, let’s all get on with it and stop censoring ourselves. If you want to talk about the kids, then talk about the kids.

I love this quote from John Gottman, the famous marriage and relationship expert, from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:

Many well-meaning experts recommend that you consider marriage and family a balancing act, as if your lives are a seesaw with the baby on one end and your marriage on the other. Couples are counseled to spend some time away from the baby and focus on their marriage and outside interests: talk about your relationship, your job, her job, the weather, anything but the baby at home. But marriage and family are not diametrically opposed. Rather, they are of one cloth.

Yes, the couple should spend time away from the baby occasionally.

But if they are making this transition well together, they will find that they can’t stop talking about the baby, nor do they want to. They might not even get through that first meal without calling home – at least twice.

Too often, such couples are made to feel as if they have done something wrong because they have made their own relationship seemingly secondary to their new roles as parents. The result is that they feel all the more stressed and confused. But in fact, they have done something very right. The important thing here is that they are in it together. To the extent that both husband and wife make this philosophical shift, the parent-child relationship and the marriage thrive.

Can’t say it better than that guy.

Now you definitely need to hire an uber driver for your next night of disco fun. Gonna be a whole lot of tequila shots going on. (And marriage suddenly looks a little less sucky and a lot more sexy, right?) Cheers!

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